my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
