Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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