Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
