Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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