so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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