i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
