I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
