I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize