when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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