Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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