Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
