He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
