You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
