I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
