shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
