Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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