when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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