omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
