he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize