and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
