I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
