And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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