Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
