Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
