If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
