Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
