How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize