don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
