Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
3pm strippers are depressing
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
