it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
