just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
