i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
