Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
