We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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