I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
