I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
