____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
