I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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