Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
