So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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