How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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