I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
