I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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