every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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