so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
