How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
