Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
