3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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