OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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