Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
