Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
