You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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