Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
