she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
