Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
