hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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