She announced her abortion via fbk
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
