the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
