As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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