apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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