did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
