did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
