Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize