i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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