i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
