i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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