WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
