Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
