Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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