Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
