i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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