Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
