Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
