It's Friday. Sex?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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