He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
