I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
