would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
