You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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