I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
