I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
