This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
