How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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