So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
