Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
