I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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