Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
