How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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