im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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