Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
