This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You ruined the universe
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
