god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
