If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
