You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
