You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
