Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
