i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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