bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
