I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize